Last evening I was suffering from a case of “the blues.” You know that feeling, we all experience it at one time or another, that vague sense of sadness, without real rhyme or reason. So you make one up. You wish you could have done more for someone. You wish you had more, and then feel guilty about wanting more, when you’ve got so much. Dis-quiet.
Disquiet tends to happen at the holiday season, because there is so much merriment being advertised, shared, told, pictured, imaged and experienced in the world. All that joy tends to provide a great foil for loss, lack, disease, fear. It just seems that the more “have” you see, the more “have not” you also see. Conundrum.
That’s where I was last night. Looking at the beautiful lights adorning the houses as we drove by on errands, I felt like bursting into tears. Have I mentioned that I really dislike that feeling?
That’s when the thought came to me – Why am I wasting precious time feeling depressed? This moment is right now, and it’s a moment that will never come again. Why would I, on the other side of 50, waste one precious moment feeling like that?
And I answered my question – I won’t.
If we have limited moments on this earth, I am not wasting one of them.
Instead of being sad, or wishing for something I think I don’t have right now, I’m going to be grateful for what I do have.
Instead of being depressed, I’m going to spend this moment really appreciating the fact that I can look through my eyes and see the beautiful lights on the houses. The stars in the clear sky.
The smiles on the faces of those around me. And if it breaks my lips, I will smile back. And if they’re not smiling, I’m going to smile first.
And if I am still feeling that disquiet, I will go ahead and continue being grateful, in spite of it. I’ll smile through the tears, and turn the tears into a cleansing bath for my soul. I’ll turn them to tears of Joy, and let them crack open the locks on my heart to open it wide to the sheer joy of being alive, being able to breathe, being able to experience my physical senses of sight, sound, touch, smell. I’ll shed tears of gratitude for being able to cry!
So, if you’re feeling mildly or greatly saddened or depressed, would you join me in gratitude? Would you join me in giving thanks for the sheer incredible gift of life? No matter how hard it seems to be? No matter what the challenge you face?
Don’t waste another precious moment of your time. Spend it in gratitude! I am.
Blessings of this wonderful season, no matter what your faith!
“…it is a question in my mind, whether there is enough of a flatterer, a fool, or a liar, to offend a whole souled woman.” Mary Baker Eddy